Friday, October 26, 2007

Stuck between a rock head and a hard head

The family drama continues. . .

My brother continues to make idiotic decisions, and fails to see how he is hurting his children, or why anyone is concerned. His kids are upset. My kids are upset, and my parents are very stressed over the situation.

Perhaps from an outsiders view it appears that we are meddling in my brother's business more than we should. We are involved more than in your typical family. Both my brother, and his ex wife have disabilities which prevent them from being capable to properly parent without a strong support system. This is not just our opinion, but the opinion of the court appointed guardian ad litem for the children.

Though legally they have shared parenting, because the distance between them, in a practical sense she is the residential parent, and he gets visitation. Since their separation about seven years ago, my brother has either lived with my parents, or us the majority of the time. His ex wife has constantly tried to whittle away his visitation days, and we have fought her every step. My family has a lot invested emotionally, my parents also financially, and we all are very close to my niece and nephew.

My brother's latest choices have caused his ex-wife to deny him his visitation. And for once we are in agreement with her. We feel that his situation is not a safe environment for the kids. My dad has spoken with her and her husband frequently regarding the situation, and they seemed to be open to allowing the kids to come here instead.

It didn't take her long though to see that she could use the situation to her advantage. All week we had been planning for the kids to be here this weekend. Then yesterday she calls to change the plans; not to just switch weekends, but change the schedule so the kids miss their visit here this weekend and do not make it up. The same kind of crap she has been trying to pull for years, but now we are at her mercy. She does not have to allow the kids to visit us at all. There is no court ordered visitation schedule with us, only with my brother, and he has chosen to compromise and partially forfeit that right. The situation is so unfair, so frustrating. My niece and nephew, my children, and family are stuck between a rock head and a hard head.

11 comments:

  1. They're all knuckle heads...(Is that clean enough?)

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  2. Did you know that grandparents have rights too? Your mom and dad can get grandparents visitations from the court just like a parent. I'm sure they will have to pay for court costs but then they would have a set schedule that she would have to follow! It's just too bad the kids are always the ones to suffer.

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  3. You just wonder what she is telling the kids.The bad thing about Grandparents rights is it takes money for something they should have anyway.It's really hard to fight someone who doesn't think of no one but herself and not the children,ask Ernie.Hopefully the kids will bug her till she lets them come down to see them.To bad the courts just don't ask the kids what they want.Aunt sis

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  4. From my personal experience, and the hardest thing to say and do, is patients... ya'lls day will come. I'll keep your family in our prayers.

    peace

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  5. I'm so sorry. Many prayers for the family. (((hugs)))

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  6. I am not sure where the court order is from....but with my court order when my son's father has visitation, it can be with him or whomever he chooses. There have been times when he was going to be out of town for the whole weekend and his parents kept my son. Maybe your brother could just tell her that he wants his visitation and that you will be spending time with the kids. That is your brothers visitation and he should take it and just let you and your parents take it. Just a thought.

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  7. Thanks for all your support and encouragement. My parents are researching some legal options, but it all takes time and money.

    Annon.
    We have done as you suggested in the past. He used to have to work a lot of weekends. Now, though he wants to forfeit 1/2 his visitations, thinking then he can pay 1/2 the child support. Ridiculous I know, but there is no reasoning with him right now.

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  8. Stephanie, I know how hard this must be for you. I experienced this same situation growing up - only my brother and I were the children involved, and my dad was in your brother's place.

    I'm sad for all of you, because I know how it feels. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  9. That just stinks.
    It's not much solice but it seems that every family has that "one" who is a thorn in the side.
    You guys are awesome for putting up with that and fighting so hard for those kids.

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  10. My prayers will be with you.

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