Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My Lack of Faith

There has been drama around here lately. Oh how I despise family drama, but sometimes it is unavoidable. An adult in the family is making poor choices, again. It is so frustrating.

I am usually the first to say, "Reap and sow." If an adult chooses to repeat mistakes, do things that make no sense or that everyone else can see are harmful, what can you do? You can pray, advise them and love them, but in the end they are adults and the choice is theirs. The consequences will be theirs also.

I do feel that way in this situation for the adult involved, but it is complicated because the decisions affect children. It is further complicated because the decisions affect my children. The relationship my children have with some close family members may be hurt, and there have already been tears shed. This just makes me angry. Being angry makes me want to do something to fix the situation.

So for almost a week I was worrying and fretting. Trying to think of a way to talk some sense into the adult, or if they were going to continue to be unreasonable, figure out a way to still make it ok for all the kids involved. Oh did I have plans and schemes. None of which really would work, but I was trying.

Then one night I was thinking about it (read scheming and planning.) I was getting worked up and angry trying to make my plans. Then came the voice. Not an audible voice, but the one that speaks straight to your heart. The one that brings a calmness and peace that you know is not of yourself. In a gentle way the Lord told me that I was trying to make things happen in my own strength, the way I thought they should be. That I was worrying about things I need not to. With those words spoken to my heart I felt that peace that is ours in Christ.

I wish I could say that the peace had lasted through the through the next days. New developments in the situation made me angry. Talking about the situation still makes me angry, but I know it is not my problem to fix, and that it does not need to be fixed in the way I think is best.

If you would have asked me before all this if I believed that the Lord works all things together for the good, I would have of course told you that I did. This incident has shown me that though I believe that with my head, it is not real to my heart. I do not seen it. I do not have faith for it.

It is truth. He does work all things together for the good. I saw a glimpse of it, and the peace that knowing that truth brings. I wish that I could see that at all times, but I don't. I can't make myself see it either. I can just ask for Him to show me more of it, and stop trying to fix things that I need not worry about.


  1. I'll be keeping you and your entire family in my prayers.

  2. Wow! The Lord is in control; as you see even today things have developed that shows God is with us. How many times have I said "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds.....". Didn't you seee me jumping around here with joy? But I do see God in control; unfortunately, it took this to reignite the some of the passion I used to have for the Lord. But at what cost,Lord? Must my kids and grandkids suffer so? Can't you find a better way to knock me over the head? He knows us and maybe this is the only way this bull headed old amishman can be reached. Will I ever learn? Lord, do anything it takes to get my attention... except make the family suffer especially the children.

  3. umm...Why do you use the label adult?