The Next Step

In my high school and college years I was a little wild, a little rebellious. Life had taught me men were users. They couldn't be trusted.

When my big post graduate plans fell through, I returned to my parents home a little lost, a little broken. In my absence my parents had become youth pastors. There were lots of kids at the house all the time, but one boy in particular was there a lot. He was very close to my parents.

He was sweet and funny, and soon it was obvious he had a crush on me. "How cute," I thought. I also thought, " I hope I meet someone like him someday." You know someone older and a little more experienced with life.

We became great friends over that summer. By fall, our relationship had taken a romantic turn. By spring, we knew we wanted to spend forever together. We were married the next winter. I can't believe our forever was so short.

Our 20 years together were not perfect. As with any marriage, we had our stressful times, and times of frustration with each other. Never in any of those times did I ever doubt Tim's love for me, our family, or the Lord. Never did I doubt his genuine concern for what was best for us. We could always tackle things together as a team. We fought side by side.

He worked hard. He saw the good in everyone and every situation. He could make me laugh even when I didn't want to. He brought out the best in me. He brought strength to my weaknesses, and loved me unconditionally.

He was an wonderful example to our children, and had an amazing way of being their buddy while still maintaining his parental role. His goal always to point them toward Christ, and toward adulthood.

There are so many stories and  memories. We were a team, and I feel woefully inadequate to complete the dreams and jobs that we began together.

Friday morning, as I was writing this, and at this point of inadequacy, I was feeling rather hopeless. A devotional came across my Facebook feed. The verse was Philippians 3:13-14 "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on." The devotional included this quote, "He will show us our next step, and that is all we have to be concerned about now."

We mourn our loss. We remember our precious times with Tim, and we wait for the Lord to show us our next step.