I have tried to write here a few times, but every time I just couldn't make the words go together. I have actually written a few times on paper for reasons I will explain shortly. In the past week I've felt the desire to write again, but also the thought that I could write here, even if I don't share all of the things I write. This blog has been my journal of sorts for awhile. It just seems logical to keep it all here, even if it isn't always public.
October 31, 2016
For the first time in decades, I am turning to a paper journal. In those first months after Tim passed I used my blog to sort through the thoughts and emotions of that time. I truly feel it was helpful to me then, but as the months passed that writing and most social media has become a sad attempt at filling the empty space that simply can't be filled by any other person. I felt I was to set that aside about a month ago, and I tried.
I tried to look for the loop hole, and started a new blog, less personal, for a "job", a monetized blog about homesteading. That be something for me later, but now it is too much about looking for the approval of men and it sucked me right back into social media under the guise of "working."
Yeah right.
There may be a time and place for all that, but I know right now those things are just me seeking love, approval, and comfort. It is so incredibly lonely without Tim. Turing to others in not satisfying. I need to turn to the Lord.
In group tonight there was a lot of talking about turning to Him and just standing there, staying in His light. When we to turn to "things," "busyness," that is when we most just need to be still. Writing helps me sort it out. This writing is between my and the Lord.
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