Sunday, September 06, 2015

And Then This

This morning was emotionally rough. We visited a new church.  I struggled to keep it together on the drive there. I cried during the worship songs, and teared up again when the pastor talked to me after the service.

No real reason I can pinpoint why this morning was hard. No triggers. It just was. My brain kept going to regrets about things I can't change, and I just missed Tim so much it ached.

The afternoon was easier. We had a good talk about church on the way home. We had lunch, and the kids were occupied. I went to work processing grapes, and it was a welcome mindless task. Nolan and Vivian were playing in the living room. They were playing so nicely together, and I was enjoying listening to them. Then it happened. 

I had read that kids will do this. I really thought it applied to younger kids, but maybe I read that wrong. They were playing dead. Well, not just dead, like playing cops and robbers, but they were having a funeral. They had taken couch cushions and made a coffin. The coffin was open showing their face, but their legs were covered. I know it is natural to act these things out, but my stomach did a flip flop. The thought of having another family member in a coffin made me sick to my stomach. 

My emotional morning, the kids playing funeral, I know these things are just a part of the grieving process. Knowing this with my head doesn't make it any easier on my heart. 


  1. And I'm in tears for you reading this. I guess the "play" is one of their ways of processing what has happened. Since it was hard for me to enter that funeral home again, can't really imagine what it was like for you and Linda and the kids. I've come to the conclusion that our thought life plays a big part in our emotional state. And gratitude for the gift that our loved one was in our lives provides a positive focus.
    Aunt Nancy

  2. Ron's grandmother, at the end of a visit, knowing it might be years before they would see one another again, would say, "Didn't we have fun?" And the tears would dissipate amidst the smiles and memories.
    Aunt Nancy