No real reason I can pinpoint why this morning was hard. No triggers. It just was. My brain kept going to regrets about things I can't change, and I just missed Tim so much it ached.
The afternoon was easier. We had a good talk about church on the way home. We had lunch, and the kids were occupied. I went to work processing grapes, and it was a welcome mindless task. Nolan and Vivian were playing in the living room. They were playing so nicely together, and I was enjoying listening to them. Then it happened.
I had read that kids will do this. I really thought it applied to younger kids, but maybe I read that wrong. They were playing dead. Well, not just dead, like playing cops and robbers, but they were having a funeral. They had taken couch cushions and made a coffin. The coffin was open showing their face, but their legs were covered. I know it is natural to act these things out, but my stomach did a flip flop. The thought of having another family member in a coffin made me sick to my stomach.
My emotional morning, the kids playing funeral, I know these things are just a part of the grieving process. Knowing this with my head doesn't make it any easier on my heart.