Enjoying the Journey

Parenting, marriage, life, it is ever changing. I remember in my early twenties thinking how nice it would be when we were finished with school, and settled into our careers and family life. Settled? Does that ever really happen?

Almost twenty years later, and I realize that just when I think I have things figured out, that is when something comes and shakes the things I thought I knew. Sometimes the shaking is devastating, sometimes it is joyous, but it always makes me stop, reevaluate, and realize that I really don't have anything figured out. I think that is by design. Because really if I could figure it all out and control it why would I ever need to depend on God?

The last two years have brought some major shaking, the devastating kind. There have been times that I've been down right angry about everything that has happened. There are other times when I've been completely blessed by the love of friends and family during our grief and pain. Occasionally, I've caught a glimpse of the peace that can only be found in Christ during these trials. Mostly, I've been the walking wounded plowing ahead with the tasks and responsibilities before me.

It seems as though we may have finally come to a turning point. Things seem a little lighter. I don't feel as if I'm taking a punch at every turn. Things aren't they way I might want them in my perfect world, but we're ok. Dad is missed daily. Things will never be the same in our hearts or here on the farm, but we are through the rockiest and saddest of times.

There has been no change in Kellen's eye. We've tried everything the experts thought might help. It didn't help. He still only has peripheral vision in one eye. But we are looking to the bright side. It could have been a lot worse, and he does have full vision with both eyes.

Tim is almost done with his chemo treatments; twenty nine more, I think. While they still give him flu like symptoms, the dosage has been decreased to a level where the symptoms have been tolerable. He has had a couple questionable spots removed. None were melanoma. He is being careful in the sun. He is seeing his dermatologist regularly. By summer he'll be done with the chemo, and back to himself again.

Will life get back to normal now? Well sort of. It won't be the normal we knew two years ago, but it will be our new normal. It won't be the end of pain and hard times, but hopefully it will be a reprieve from them.  More shaking will come. I hope the next time they will be of the joyous variety, but if it isn't we will be alright. We have family. We have friends. Most importantly we have Christ.

I am not looking for a settled life anymore. I don't think there really is such a thing. This life is a journey with ups, downs, and occasionally some smooth spots. All we can do is enjoy it.

Or as my dad might have said, " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 2:2-3.