12/2/2016
I guess the loneliness sucked me in. After a few weeks of feeling satisfied, content and peaceful, I found myself dabbling again in the fleshly, reaching out to people for that pat on the back, for that intimacy I crave. Stepping that one toe off the straight and narrow has quickly caused me to slide back to that place where I turn first to people, mostly social media, and second (if) to Him. It doesn't satisfy.
In fact, it does the opposite. I find myself deeply lonely and fight my old nemesis of feeling left out, of not quite being in the inner circle.
An IP (Isaac Penington) this week talked about the fertile soil. In Mark 4 I had always thought of the parable of the sower as it is what it is. Some will get it. Some won't. Or somehow I need to make my heart good soil. But IP talks about the good ground and the seed growing from a different seed. Thorns are the cares of the world that choke the seed and stifle the fruit. Good ground yields its whole nourishment to the good seed and none to the bad. But he goes on, all ground (hearts) that are now good were once (bad) hard hears turned to soft. God's plow made that change. He changes the inward nature.
For the past couple weeks I've also been coming back to Ezekiel 36:26-29. This is my prayer to the Lord. "Take out the heart of stone. Give me a soft one."
My life in many ways is simpler now than ever. I've been missing what I don't have almost felt bored. I've filled my time with nothingness.
How many years did I complain about being too busy? Of course, I wouldn't have wished for things to happen as they did, but the bottom line is this time is much simpler and quiet. I should be embracing it.
